If Only...

I usually do WILW on hump days, but my mind is too full of random thoughts. Mostly one in particular

...sometimes I wish my boyfriend was different.

Don't get me wrong, I love Tyler. I really do. But lately...reading all these blogs and watching people around me makes me wish for something more. My love style is words of affirmation. I thrive on people complimenting me, telling me how happy I make them, telling me they love me, etc. Tyler's love style is...nonexistent it seems. He knows perfectly well how I crave hearing those three little words, or even just a "you make me happy, Cate." Unfortunately...he doesn't do things like that very often. I hate reminding him that words are how I feel loved, but whenever he notices that I'm particularly sad looking and asks why, that is the reason 75% of the time.

I obsess over why I am feeling this way, and tell myself to get a grip. I went from a very controlling relationship to being single for a while to a relationship where I have more freedom than I want. I want him to call/text me just to check up on me. I want him to be more spontaneous. I want to feel more loved. Right now...I question his love for me almost daily, which isn't fair to him. I know that everyone shows their love in a different way, and maybe I just haven't figured his out yet, but this is driving me crazy. I wish there was a way to explain this to him without getting overly emotional, but so far no luck.

Have any of you ever dealt with something like this?

CATE

Friday's Letters & A Secret

It's Friiiiiiiiday! The best day! Actually...can I tell you all a secret? I'm not THAT fond of Fridays. I know, I know. It's just...I know that I only have 2 days off of work then it's back to the grind. I know that's weird.

Anyway, even though Ashley is "under construction", I'm still doing my favorite Friday's Letters! (totally dropped the ball yesterday with IOT...oops).

 

Dear TKE's at Panera, I was surprised to see a bunch of frat guys on my lunch hour, especially my least favorite kind (the TKE's at my alma mater are...not good role models.) However, I was pleased that you were kind and gracious. Thank you.

Dear former fellow employee, how dumb ARE you to put an item of clothing that belongs to our team on craigslist and assume we wouldn't find out? It's called stealing, and you're lucky I'm not in charge of getting it back.

Dear drivers on our team, lets please win at Sonoma, okay? And Baltimore. Fontana too would be great. Just looking out for every one's best interests ;)

Dear extended family, I get to see a lot of you this weekend. I'm so excited! Especially because we all make fun of my parents and it is glorious.

Dear Tyler, please don't be scared of my extended family. I mean...I know you're not easily intimidated, but we can get crazy. The ones that have met you already love you like I knew they would. Thank you for being willing and happy to spend the weekend with us :)

Dear September, I used to really like you, since you have Labor Day (3 day weekend!) and my best friend's birthday, but I find myself dreading you this year. If you could skip over the 15th, that would be very much appreciated.

 

CATE

Spaghetti & Man Parts

I'm so glad it's Wednesday. I have some family coming to town from kaaaaantucky and I can't wait to see them. Mainly my cousin's sweet baby, Maddie. I have a feeling my mom and I are going to fight over her allll weekend. For now, I'm linking up here for What I'm Loving Wednesday!

 

1) I finally got the chance to open my August Birchbox, and found not one but two full size items. A Stila eyeliner in Stargazer (meh...I'm currently obsessed with e.l.f eye pens, so this was nice but not needed) and a new kind of razor! And just when I was about to go waste my money on a new one, too :) Cant wait to try this little beauty out. Supposed to be SUPER moisturizing. 

 

2) I convinced my stepdad to make me spaghetti on Monday night. Now, this isn't just any ol spaghetti (well...it might be to some of you). I've called it "Daddy's Special Spaghetti" since I was about 4, and am in love with it. It's basically a heart attack on a plate, but I gobble it down in about 5 seconds every single time. He's tried to teach me how to make it and it never comes out right. Something about how he doesn't use much water and puts tons of butter in it and 3 different kinds of cheeses all at different times...yum. I always eat it with frozen peas. Weird, I know.

 

3) The fundraiser I'm working on is starting to take shape! Trust me, you all will definitely hear more about this as time goes by, but just know that it will be an online auction, Indycar themed, and will be in October :)

 

4) It's starting to get cooler here, which means that FALL is almost here! I love fall so much. Leaves, sweaters, boots, apple cider, cute coats, my birthday (10/26 and I even have a wish list here!) and so much more. Not to mention the massive amount of pumpkin things I will be eating.

 

I'll leave you with a few pictures of my furbaby, what else?!

Tucker and Gibbs (Tyler's Collie) were sleeping on each other..SO cute! Too bad my phone woke them up.
 

Handsome Tuck after being groomed. For some reason the groomer um..shaved his man parts. He wasn't a fan and now he looks redic going down stairs. It reminds me of the running scenes in Juno.


Cate



Back to School, Back to School

to prove to Dad I'm not a fool...



Back to school posts are clogging up my Twitter/Facebook right now. Most of them are negative...and I kind of want to shake those people. They think school is hard? Just wait until you get out of it, buddy. Sure, classes and exams are tough, but what's even tougher is finding a job that pays off those classes and exams. Unless of course you're lucky enough to not have loans (or convinced your daddy to pay them off for you like my spoiled brat of an ex-roommate). After doing a guest post for Alexandra on how I landed at my current job, I started thinking of just how lucky I was. Then I had to pay all my bills. Then I got pissed and wished I was going back to school with everyone else...and had to settle for wishful-thinking school shopping online (you know...when you fill your cart with things to buy and then get sad that you can't afford it because Sallie Mae* is sucking you dry). I'll let you lovely readers in on my "wishlist" (all 4 of you! haha).

Target.com/29.99
A super cute stylish backpack! I was definitely one of those girls that just threw everything into an old Jansport, and could never find anything. This has lots of pockets, so if the cute new transfer sitting next to you asks for a pen, you can find him one before Slutface McGee practically throws one at him.



Target.com/24.99
A good pair of rain boots. My college campus was only a few city blocks long (tiny private Christian school), but walking to class in the rain or snow was still horrendous. Sometimes I'd drive the block and a half to math at 7:00 am if I didn't want to get the bottoms of my pants soaked (#shortgirlproblems). Yes, I know that's a waste of gas, and no, I didn't care.



Victoria's Secret/46.50
Sweatpants. Lots and lots of sweatpants. At my school, you could ALWAYS tell who was a freshman by how they dressed the first couple weeks of school. Fitted blazers, cute skirts, little peep-toe pumps for the girls. Distressed jeans and polos with a TON of cologne for the guys. Sophomores, juniors, and seniors looked like they just rolled out of bed. Most of the time, we did. Mornings were for hitting the snooze button, watching cartoons/the news while shoveling cereal in our mouths, and trying to get rid of hangovers...not primping. It wasn't uncommon for girls to be brushing their teeth in the bathrooms on the academic side of campus (hey, at least we brushed them).

Target.com/659.99
A cute, light laptop. I wish I had had one in college. I was probably the only person there that had a desktop computer, but it was a very nice one. A laptop not only makes note-taking a lot easier during lectures, but also provides entertainment for those days where you're just not interested in what's being taught (come on, we all have/had those days). Right now I'm lusting after the HP UltraBook, but unless my current one croaks, I'll just keep wishin'.

That's all, chickadees. Oh! That reminds me. I watched Here Comes Honey Boo Boo last night online, and I...have no words. I do like the nickname Chickadee, though. She seems the most normal. That's saying a lot, since she's the pregnant 17 year old. 'Mericahh.. Where that is normal... 

Cate

*Sallie Mae is the loan place that harasses you for months on end. They apparently think all college graduates make 50k a year right after they leave school. Pft. Crazies.

Indiana Weather...my least favorite thing.

My stomach is supposed to be full of fried food. I am supposed to have endless pictures of baby cows and sheep. My feet are supposed to be tired from walking around the fairgrounds. But no. Freakin' Indiana has to have a bunch of storms start RIGHT before I get out of work, and last almost all night, so my second trip to the fair this year was non-existant. Ty and I had dinner at PF Changs with my little brother and his girlfriend though...so it was still a good night. Except for when Ty and I doubled our $40 bill with the amount of wine we drank. Oops. We're kinda winos sometimes.

Dear Tucker, you are quite possibly the cutest puppy in the world, but that doesn't mean you can rip shit up all the time. You have toys to chew on that taste MUCH better than CD's...I promise. Also, last night when you fell off the bed onto your brother it was hilarious.

Dear Jason-at-work, thank you for the delicious bagel I am currently stuffing my face with. You're still my favorite psedeo-dad, even if none of the lottery tickets you purchased were winners.

Dear Ty, I love you so much. I love how well you get along with my little brother and my family. Thank you for rubbing my back and massaging my leg when I woke up screaming because of a cramp in my calf at 5:30 this morning.

Dear cramp in my calf, GO AWAY. No one wants you here.

Dear Tibbs drive-in, I am visiting you for the first time tonight. Please live up to my expectations. Also, keep all the creepers out.

Dear people at GenCon, while one of my favorite things to do is watch you walk by and make fun of your ridiculous costumes, I must say some of you are ballsy. Girl-with-no-shoes-on impressed me, especially since downtown streets are narsty.

xoxo

Cate

The Million Dollar Ticket

First of all, if you are stopping by from Alexandra's blog, welcome! I hope you like it here :)

Second of all, the drawing for the lottery was last night. Third biggest jackpot in history. Some extremely lucky soul in Michigan is a multi-millionaire today. Three lucky souls in Indiana are millionaires. Unfortunately, the tickets that were purchased as part of our work pool are not winners. Normally I would grumble and be okay after a minute, but...one of the tickets was purchased at a gas station most of us pass by frequently, if not every day. UGH. We're all walking around looking dejected and have these pathetic "what if" and "if only" looks in our eyes...needless to say we took a unanimous vote and if we had won, work would be a ghost town today.

Thirdly, it is time for It's Okay Thursday!

IT'S OKAY

...that there are supposed to be storms this afternoon/night and I'm looking forward to going to the fair anyway.

...that I "sampled" someones white choc mocha creamer they left in the fridge and am now obsessed. Sorry random person...

...that the diet and exercise plan Ty and I thought of fell apart after the first week.

...that secretly I'm glad we're probably not going camping this weekend. 5 hours in a car just to sleep in a tent? No thanks.

...that I got paid yesterday so now I can buy a new grill cover since Tucker chewed the old one up. No wait...that's not okay.

Cate

"My" Birthday Present

It is only 1:45 in the afternoon, and I am more than ready to be out of here. I have BIG plans for a concert tonight with Ty. We scored $15 tix to the 311 concert at The Lawn tonight. Super excited. Apparently 311 is stoner music and we will more than likely be around a bunch of weed which means I am not breathing AT ALL but I really really like concerts, so we're going.

My stepdad's birthday is in two weeks, and my mom and I always have the hardest time finding awesome gifts for him. This year, though...my mom had a genius moment. My dad loves coffee, my mom loves tea, and I love both. So, it would make sense to get a Keurig, right? Right? I mean, we think my dad will enjoy it (as long as we keep it stocked with Starbucks Breakfast Blend K-Cups), and it is something that will definitely get used a lot.

Why is there like...465685 kinds of Keurig brewers? I honestly have no clue which one to get? I'm leaning towards this one, but if anyone has better suggestions please let me know.



The Keurig B60 Home Brewing System


Is it bad that I'm probably more excited about his present than he will be?


Spunkily yours,

Cate





Red Velvet Funnel Cake

Saturday was the day I had been waiting for since the end of August last year. Ty and I went to the Indiana State Fair! Ty had never been, so I was appointed Captain of the day. I'm obsessed with mushrooms, especially fried ones, so our first stop was the find one of the two trucks that sold them. Well..Captain Cate turned the wrong way, and what was meant to be a 2 minute walk turned into a 20 minute walk. Oops. We found the fried veggie truck, and got our mushrooms. I totally would have been happy with just that, but Ty was still hungry.

We shared a lamb burger and some sweet tea, then walked around looking at the cows and such until we saw someone with a red velvet funnel cake. We looked at each other and Ty said "we have GOT to get that!" After some searching, we found the truck that sold them, and got in line. Now, we were watching the cashier, and she would take the order, take the money, then the customers would wait for their cake to be done. When our turn came, we ordered, was told it would be a few minutes, and then she moved on to the people behind us. Ty and I looked at each other and shrugged, figuring she would ask for our $7 when we got our cake. A few minutes later, she handed us our cake and turned away to help someone else. We stood there for a few minutes, she turned back and said "careful, it's really hot. Enjoy!" We looked at each other, at our cake, at each other...then I asked Ty if he had paid. He said no, and asked me the same thing. We stood there for a few more seconds, then started to s-l-o-w-l-y walk away. No one came running after us, so...we ate it. I felt really guilty at first, but my craving took over and I sent up a quick thanks to God for my free treat. It was delicious.

We also had some marinated pork on a stick and some fried Oreos, but the funnel cake "took the cake."

One of my favorite parts of the fair is the international building. They showcase a different county each year, and this year was Italy. We got to see a full size gondola, sample Italian food, and there was even an Indycar! I am obsessed with all things Indycar since I work for one of the teams, so I was surprised and delighted to see one there. I totally forgot that the chassis we are using, the DW12, is a Dallara chassis, and the Dallara's are from Italy. It was so cool to see the special paint scheme on the car for the Fair and the Speedway Fire Department.

The fair was really fun, but I was excited to get back home to be with this guy:

He's getting SO big! 8 months and 85 lbs...

How was your weekend? Did you go to your state's fair this summer?

Spunkily yours,

Cate



Friday's Letters

I'm linking up with this girl today for "Friday's Letters!

Dear Nutella commercial that is on one of the TV's at work right now, watching you makes my tummy rumble and wish I had a jar of Nutella with some strawberries right now. Or a Nutella Mug cake. Whichever.

Dear Boyfriend, I'm pretty sad we can't go camping this weekend...I'm going to convince you we should go to the fair, instead. I NEED deep fried Oreos. Like, yesterday.

Dear Tucker, I'm so excited to spend a whole weekend cuddled with you, my precious furchild. Stop growing though. 8 months and 80 lbs is a little redic.

Dear certain people at work that shall remain nameless, It is a good idea to ACTUALLY COMMUNICATE with those that work on things with you (aka me). I feel like an idiot when people ask me something and I don't know the answer because you haven't told me.

Dear you and you, Thank you so much for your kind words. I wasn't planning on talking about depression this close into the game, but I did. And I was so surprised that complete strangers were so incredibly loving and kind. Thank you :)

Dear Friday, It is only 9 in the morning and I already wish it was 5... This happens every single week...you haven't gotten the hint yet?

Spunkily yours,

Cate

It's Okay Thursdays

IT'S OKAY

...that it is not even 10:00 and I'm already looking forward to lunch. Mmm chicken&dumplings!

...that the more I am around her, the more I really do not like my boyfriend's mother.

...that the entire drive to work this morning I fantisized about winning the Hoosier Lotto. Maybe I should buy a ticket!

...that I am doing everything I can to avoid the cameras from the TV show that is filming at my work this morning.

...that I wish I made more money.

...that I'm learning how to work through this time of depression and uncertainty, without help.

...that I'm SUPER bad at beng original with blog posts so I'm just doing linkies for now.

Spunkily yours,

Cate

What I'm Loving Wednesday

Okay... here goes. My first "linking up" post. I'm a baby blogger, and figured a link-up is the best way to get started!

1) the fact that my puppy-child, Tucker, is back home after a "vacation" with extended family. (an "unapproved by his mama" vacation, mind you. don't worry baby...your grandma will NEVER take you away from me again).

2) a tv show is taping an episode where I work today and tomorrow. It's pretty cool to see all the cameras and sound equipment! I hope hope HOPE that they don't film me for anything. My face will turn bright red, I'll mumble, and...it won't be good.

3) Fall is almost here! I love fall...mostly because I looove sweaters, boots, pumpkins, cute jackets, and my birthday :)

4) The Boyfriend is taking me on my first "real" camping trip this weekend! And we get to take the puppy-children!!

5) I just saw this AWESOME thing from The Container Store. It has little compartments to hold your hairdryer and straightener, and you can store them while they are STILL HOT! Genius. Must have this.

That was fun :)

Spunkily yours,

Cate