Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Am I Crazy?

It's been awhile. I started this blog as a way to deal with depression, and lately I can feel that dark cloud lifting. I've also been so freaking busy that I haven't wanted or cared to sit down and write. Oops.

I told someone about this blog and why I started it. Kind of weird since we just met AND they are very good with computers and are probably reading this right now (hi handsome!). I kind of hope not though. I'm an extremely open person when it comes to talking about my past and what-not, but I'm not proud of the person I used to be. I let this person read a few pages of my recently rediscovered Xanga, and I'm so glad he stopped before he got to the awful drama crap I used to involve myself in. Last night I let myself get really down thinking about some of the situations I put myself in with my "friends" but then as I was walking the dog and trying to keep him from running after the geese that were flying above us (newsflash, Tucker...you can't fly!), I thought of how much I have grown as a person since then. I should be proud, instead of embarrassed.

Thinking positively/highly of myself is something that I've always struggled with. I don't really know why, but maybe that explains why I don't really know how to take a compliment, or I get nervous and turn red when the attention is on me. I'm beginning to get better about this though.

Work is slowly wearing me down, I think. I love it though, and am so blessed to work with some pretty amazing people. I truly feel like most of them watch out for me, and like having me here. Right now I'm still juggling two positions. Two days a week I am at the front desk (my "actual" job), and three days a week I am covering a maternity leave in a completely different department, which is where the "wearing me down" thing comes in. S didn't get a chance to fully train me before she had her son, so some of the things I do are educated guesses. I'm kind of terrified that I will mess something up that will be detrimental to everyone on the team, but I think I'm doing an okay job so far. I wish I had a better memory though. Or more time in a day. Most everyone is being extremely helpful since we're ALL adjusting in S's absence, but there are those who aren't really being...supportive. I run around like a chicken with its' head cut off 3 days a week and sometimes my work load from that job spills over into the days I'm at my desk...I'm sorry. I wish it didn't but that is how it is right now. I can't be in two places at once. Hearing complaints that I'm not doing the "one thing I'm supposed to" really irritates me. It's Murphy's Law that my phone will ring as soon as I step away from my desk. Please deal with it.

I let a colleague set me up. Surprisingly, it is working so far. This man has an absolutely amazing personality, makes me laugh for hours, and is unbelievably sweet. Not bad to look at either ;) Spending time with him makes me forget about everything. On one hand, I like having him in my life. On the other hand, it terrifies me how much I like him, how well we get along, etc. I tend to fall hard and fast, which ultimately ruins relationships. I don't want to ruin this one. I'm trying really hard to be nonchalant and distant but every time he flashes that amazing smile and his green eyes crinkle I fall a little more. Ugh. I'm in trouble.


  1. From the glass blowing mаnufacturing faсіlity that is still in procеdurе, to а dwеll bakеry whеrеbу you can bаκe your pοsѕess goоdies,
    funсtіoning farms that you can vieω and fееԁ the anіmals, anԁ running potterу mills.
    Get rеady the ѕpot wheгe you are
    hеading to be accomplishing the colorng. Ϲοmmence еlevеn milеs, аnd ѕee thoгοughly for thе indiсatiοn to Lauρahoеhое Pоsition Ѕeaѕhorе
    Parκ on thе properlу.

    Also ѵisit my homеpage :: how to use a pizza stone on the grill

  2. Іts a chef's phrase for 'a aгea fοr almost everуthіng аnd
    pгettу muсh everything іn its place'. - Centre tunnel chimney duct to maximise productive scorching airflow. "In modern society, I imply half the time the majority of buyers have never ever been by yourself, absolutely by yourself, while not some type of distraction.

    Feel free to visit my blog post pizza stone recipes bread

  3. Does youг websіte have а contаct ρage?
    Ι'm having a tough time locating it but, I'd like to senԁ you an
    еmаil. I've got some suggestions for your blog you might be interested in hearing. Either way, great site and I look forward to seeing it develop over time.

    Feel free to surf to my web-site :: Independent.Academia.Edu

  4. Doеs your ωebsite have a contаct
    page? I'm having a tough time locating it but, I'd liκe to
    ѕend you an еmail. Ӏ've got some suggestions for your blog you might be interested in hearing. Either way, great site and I look forward to seeing it develop over time.

    Also visit my weblog ... Independent.Academia.Edu
    My webpage > royallgrills.com

  5. Rіght away I am ready to do my breaκfast, after havіng mу brеakfast coming again tо read further neωs.

    Here is my рage Augenlaser Zentrum - Augen Lasern - Augenlaser - Laservision AG

  6. Mondaу night is ρizza night at our hοuѕe, with Mоm's homemade vegetable pizza at the top of the list of favorites. There are plenty of electric ovens that will still knock your socks off. Cover pizza with the sausage, bacon and scrambled eggs.

    Visit my page www.jeteye.com