12.14.12

Sometimes, I hate that we have the news on all day at work. I’m finding myself glued to it, with tears streaming down my cheeks. I still can’t believe that 28 souls were lost (including the shooter and his mother, whom he shot in her home). Yes, I included the shooter. While I believe that he is a monster for killing those sweet innocent babies, he still has a soul. I do hope he does not cross through the Pearly Gates, but instead is banished to watch the 20 little ones laugh and play with each other and our Savior for eternity. They are at peace.

I’m not quite sure why this shooting has affected me so much, but it has. I was in elementary school when the Columbine tragedy happened and I was too young to understand, but I clearly remember every school shooting since then. I went to college in Illinois, and when the NIU shooting happened, I was there when my friend Eddie got a call saying that his best friend died that day. Her name is Ryanne Mace, and if she was anything like Eddie, she had the biggest heart in the world.

Maybe I feel connected because this happened to innocent children as well as innocent adults. 5-6 year olds. I can’t even imagine being family to one of those poor babies. I can’t imagine being a resident of Newtown.  My heart aches for all of them. For all of us. We live in a world where this HAS HAPPENED BEFORE.

When I was a senior in high school, some freshmen plotted to take our principal hostage and gun down the gym while all of the seniors were in it for an assembly. Thankfully, a friend of theirs alerted administration that morning. I would have been in that gym. My best friends would have been in that gym. I haven’t thought about that day for a long time, but I am so so thankful that someone prevented it from turning into a tragedy.

I have to wonder about all of this. Did Lanza have a friend, acquaintance, family member, stranger he told of his plan? Based on the fact that he killed his mother before he went to SHES (according to various media reports), his massacre was pre-meditated.  Did no one know? I’m not in any way trying to blame anyone, I just wonder. That’s all I can do.

I had to turn away during our President’s speech. Watching our nation’s leader cry over lost children, and realizing his pain was just too much. He gets it. He’s a father. He is also right. This must be stopped. I’ve read through enough countless arguments about gun control to understand that the solution isn’t that easy. I wish that people would just simply realize that no matter the situation, taking lives is not the answer. It doesn’t matter if you have a gun, knife, paperclip, whatever. Just don’t do it.

It breaks my heart that instead of focusing our attention on respecting the lost and trying to come up with a solution to stop this, we use this as a platform for views on gun control/mental health/etc. I have my own opinions about both of those, especially as I suffer from depression, but I will keep those to myself. Right now, I’m thinking about those sweet lives lost. I hope you do too.